The Journaler

This, in some ways, is a window to my soul: my book is open. This is an honest reflection where I embrace the highs and lows, ups and downs, roller coaster of emotions I am often riding, the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly...but this is me, and this is my adventure...By revealing myself honestly I hope to inspire and encourage, because we all struggle sometimes and it's nice to know we're not alone. This is my experience as a small town girl living in a big city, trying to make my way while taking lots and lots of detours...

March 29, 2011

Crossroads


Dear Readers,

For reasons too unbearable to disclose, I am in a rather fowl mood at the moment. I'd like to keep this one to myself, but I'll say this, rejection is a B*@$*!!!

Okay, onward and upward. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger; when you get screwed in the @$$.....okay okay, sorry, now I'm done. It's just that at this particular moment I feel like going into my car and screaming at the top of my lungs; I wanna cry out (dramatically of course) "WHY WHY WHY!?!?!?!"

I'm at a crossroads in my life - thought things were moving forward in one, albeit bumpy, direction, only now my life has abruptly veered off course and I just don't know what to do. The very idea of figuring things out again puts me in a cloud (a very thick one with no sign of blue sky). *Deep. Long. Sigh. Again. Deep. Long. Sigh.*

I feel as if I need to mourn. Mourn for the loss of possibilities that are no longer possible. Mourn for the loss of my innocence as adulthood brings wave upon wave of "reality." Mourn over the happiness that is too often fleeting.

This sadly is what I am feeling right now. I know in my core that the possibilities are still there and always will be, my innocence is not the same as when I was a child but I accept and embrace this, and happiness is felt so profoundly simply because it is not constant - if we never knew the feelings of sadness, we could never fully appreciate happiness.

This is life. It does not, no, it NEVER goes according to plan. Who we are is determined by our reactions to the hiccups. Today I am sad. Tomorrow I'll be okay. Soon after, I'll be stronger than ever!
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2 comments:

  1. LeahMarch 30, 2011 at 8:10 PM

    I feel for you Lize. Love you! I know you'll be okay like you said. You are a very resilient person. xo miss you!

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  2. Shelley RinkApril 1, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    Eliza dear, no more advice, just straight pure empathy....disappointment is an ugly beast! As of this writing, I think you have moved on emotionally, and at some point, as with the yoga, may find this new self to be, dare I say, invigorating? All paths are possible, even paths with closed doors. As your mother once reminded me....the root word of "crisis" is "to grow"....and for good reason!! There is no other possibility - ha ha!! You are loved!!

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