The "Waiting" Game

This is an old picture of me "waiting"....that's all....yeah.

Recently I realized that I really hate to wait. Sound like the intro to an extremely boring post? Possibly, yes; but hopefully not - I do have a point.

I've been in SF now for just under 3 months. In this time I've gone to Bartending school, started freelancing at an awesome creative marketing firm, moved into an apartment, stepped up my exercise regime with Bikram Yoga and running, interviewed for and turned down a job, allowed my blog to take shape and become something I am proud of, and now possibly landed an internship!
Not too bad for three months time, hey??? hey????

When I step back and admire some of the strides I've made, I feel pretty good about where my ambition has lead me. But if I look back on the last three months and think about how I felt each day in terms of my success and how much my efforts were paying off, I would say, "ughhhhhhhhh, I feel like I've accomplished nothing!" Which so isn't true, but sometimes can feel this way. Why? Because there is so much waiting involved. Even if it's only for a day - that day can often feel like an eternity. What I've learned about myself is that I really hate to wait, and I think that's because I have ambition and WANT to be doing something that is pushing me forward in life. If opportunities are not immediately knocking, I feel anxious.

When I got rejected from grad school I felt extremely depressed not necessarily because I didn't get in, but because the thought of putting my mind towards another goal, in a totally different direction filled me with anguish and fear of failure. I thought about how long and difficult it was for me to come to the decision to go back to school, and now I had to find a new path. Why not just get any old job and do whatever gets me by? Well, my life is important, it is my mission to be both challenged and "in love" with whatever I do.

I dwelled on this for a while, but luckily I began freelancing quite often, and loved the industry I was becoming more familiar with. So I almost immediately had something to fill my time instead of worrying about 'where I'm going and what I want to do with my life.' But then again, it's freelance so obviously not working on a permanent basis means time to dwell.....eventually.

Earlier this week I did what I normally do, try to fill the void with something immediate, anything. So I looked up babysitting because I have tons of experience, but for many reasons have long wanted to move away from that niche and pursue my passions and career. But out of slight desperation to earn money, and mostly the need to DO SOMETHING NOW, I lined up a job.

Then I had a realization. I didn't come to SF to simply "get by" and I certainly didn't come here to babysit. So I canceled the job because I believe in myself and I have hope that if I keep trying, keep following my heart and pursuing my goals, I will be successful, AND happy.

So that being done, I put a ton of effort into working on applications for internships and am super excited because I actually got an interview! I'm thrilled with the company, and hopeful for the opportunity to immerse myself in the industry. Oh by the way, I would be a Marketing Intern. Yay!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that, things don't always happen right away, in fact they almost NEVER do, but give yourself the allowance to wait, and never stop trying. Don't give up on your goals. If for some reason your goals change along the way, which can be very hard and difficult to deal with emotionally and mentally, you just have to roll with it. It will be okay as long as you believe in yourself and continue to find ways to improve your capabilities. If you want something, no one is going to hand it to you. You have to go and get it, and in this pursuit, be someone or strive to be someone that you can be proud of. It comes from within.

This may sound contradicting, but I believe you should pursue your goals and never give up on finding success and happiness, however allow yourself time to wait and have patience because if you try your very best things have a way of coming full circle and working out eventually. Sometimes things, ideas, goals, dreams, ambitions, whatever, just need to sit for a while and brew. Try not to get desperate and give up just because it's "easier" in the moment.