The Journaler

This, in some ways, is a window to my soul: my book is open. This is an honest reflection where I embrace the highs and lows, ups and downs, roller coaster of emotions I am often riding, the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly...but this is me, and this is my adventure...By revealing myself honestly I hope to inspire and encourage, because we all struggle sometimes and it's nice to know we're not alone. This is my experience as a small town girl living in a big city, trying to make my way while taking lots and lots of detours...

May 24, 2011


So, I have started a cleanse. I'm not sure if it will be a good thing or a bad thing. Which cleanse you ask? Well, it's a tweaked version of the Mastercleanse...ya know, that psychotic lemonade thing only crazy people do; yeah, that one. Why oh why you ask??? Well it is summer, and I've been feeling a bit tired and low lately, so I felt like a cleanse might just help.

My tweaked version allows me to also have miso soup with homemade vegetable broth. I also may allow myself the occasional fruit smoothie, because headaches are no bueno for me.

Today is actually day 2. Yesterday I woke up with no appetite whatsoever (stress I think) and thought, might as well start today! Day 1 came and went without any problems. Today however I had an emotional meltdown that fell on the wrong people (I'm sorry). I know going without real solid food can cause one to become a bit grumpy, but if that continues I will have to call the cleanse off. Nobody wants a grumpy Liza!!

I've also just been stressed lately. I had a conversation with one of my best friends, and we talked about how we felt as if we hadn't been truly truly happy and content for quite a few years. Not that I haven't had extended times with a glowing and gleeful disposition, I have, but overall the 20's are rough.

Anyhoo, am I hoping to do the cleanse and come out a changed person? Yes! Will that happen? Probably not, but hopefully it will extract some good energies and sense of rejuvenation. Huzaaaawwhhh!! hehe : )

Let's hope I make it to day roommate's making paella tonight, and it's been a rough day...can she resist??? I'll let you know how it goes! Anyone else doing a summer cleanse??

May 19, 2011

Dance a little more...

In the middle surrounded by gorgeous dancers


Why don't we all do this? Is it because we forget? We forget how good it feels? How happy and free it makes us feel?

Sometimes I think I should reserve a half hour AT LEAST out of every day to just dance in my living room or kitchen (seems to be my preferred places of dance in my house). But then again it's so....good when it's spontaneous - when you suddenly feel your heels instinctively taking to the beat, creeping up your legs, into your hips, up your torso, flowing out your arms and suddenly your swinging your head, hair flying from side to side! Eeeeeyahhh!

I need to do this more often! Seriously, how fun is it to shed your inhibitions and dance. Be silly, be sassy, be sexy, be crazy, be happy, just dance! If you can't shake it in front of other people, it doesn't matter just fit it in somehow. Feel the music and move. If anything it's an element you can add to your day to relieve stress and remind yourself what it's all about. I get so caught up in "seriousness" sometimes I forget that this is my life, and I only get one chance to live it.

It's so important to remember to have fun! Man sometimes "fun" seems like a chore; how horrible is that sentence! But we just get caught up and start to feel like we don't have time for fun - "Oops, sorry, can't fit in fun because I'm too busy being serious serious serious!"

I'm not saying that life is a circus - that we should throw our responsibilities out the window - I just want to encourage everyone to remember that fun and happiness should be equally if not the biggest priority. Try to squeeze it in. Make this a goal: be able to look back on your life and feel like you took care of your loved ones AND yourself; you lived it to the fullest; you pushed the boundaries and sought joy in absolutely everything you did. 

Remember to dance and see how happy it makes you!

May 16, 2011

Recap of fun festivities in the past week...!

This past week has had its ups and downs. I've been a bit sick, and trying to take care of myself so only went jogging twice as it's been really cold and probably not a good idea for a sicky like me. I finally took a trip to Whole Foods, first time ever. I know, what!?! I got a ton of organic foods and have been trying to eat "raw" whenever possible. I've been trying really hard to be more mindful of what I put into my body. So for the last week I've been eating a lot of green smoothies, salads, cliff bars, granola, yogurt, and detoxing Yogi tea. Yummy yummy. I've also been trying to stay away from sugar, but for goodness sake I've got a sweet tooth that just can't say no. Aaaaaand there have been some emotional ups and downs, but hey, it happens.


Let's recap the fun SF happenings of the past week!

1) Last Sunday was Mother's Day! While I didn't get to spend the day with my own mother, I got the next best thing. My Aunt Shelley came into town and I spent the afternoon with her and my awesome cousin Lily. We wandered into Golden Gate Park and feasted on Lily's picnic-perfect garden-fresh salad, dried white peaches, kettle chips and dark chocolate. If this doesn't make you want to shout with glee, well I don't know what would. Then we went to the de Young and visited the Balenciaga and Spain exhibit. Fashionistas be warned - drooling may occur. It was fab, and a lovely day.
goodies from Lily's garden
2) Monday I got out and ran, yeah! EX-ER-CISE! BEACH BODY NOW! MAKE BUTT FIRM! GET SEXY! (This is my mantra....i'm kidding, but really....) Then I went to the garden at Lily's school and she helped me pick - and when I say "helped me pick," I mean she did everything but hold the container; this girl is a hot commodity AND a gardening pro - some delicious lettuce, leeks, kale, and oregano, which I have been feasting on all week.

3) Tuesday I had two interviews and got one job! I'm still waiting to hear back about the internship, crossing my fingers and toes. But anyway, one job obtained "on the spot" is something to celebrate! I also attended my roommate's writing workshop, entitled "Words Which Work." She is a seriously talented writer, and soon to be published journalist!

4) Wednesday I went to an awesome concert venue: Bimbo's 365. I love the feel of this place, very classy / art deco meets edgy and cool. Loved it. An old friend of mine had an extra ticket to see an amazing band called Pinback. I had never heard of them before (a little behind in the music scene), but I guess they are from San Diego and wow, they rocked! It was so great catching up with an old friend as well and feeling as if no time had passed.

5) Thursday I went to a Giant's game!! I've been wanting to go to one since I got here. AT&T Park is awesome! We sat in the bleacher seats, which for 15 - 20 bucks really aren't bad at all. The seats are behind the outfield positions, but they're surprisingly close to the field. And the bleachers are filled with all the crazy hell raisers! No, just kidding, but really they've got some spirit. It was a great time.

6) Friday I shopped in Union Square all day to piece together my all black ensemble for work then came home and did 3 loads of laundry. I've also been fighting a cold so it was early to bed for me.

7) Saturday I trained at the new job, came home and went jogging with my roommates, then went to see an interesting documentary in 3D called, The Cave Of Forgotten Dreams. It is about the somewhat recent discovery in France of the oldest cave drawings or markings ever found, dating back some 33,000 years ago, which is more than twice as old as anything found prior. It was pretty cool in 3D, but isn't worth this feature if the theatre itself isn't up to par on the 3D front. My Uncle Brian treated me to the movie and then we went to dinner in the Mission at a great German restaurant, Schmidt's. We indulged in delicious beer along with tasty delights like pretzel rolls, crab cakes, shaved asparagus salad, and of course, bratwurst and sauerkraut. Mmmmmmm. The ambiance was modern and chic with a cozy European feel. 

So those were my adventures for the week! Let's see what unfolds for me this week.... 

May 11, 2011

You're hired!

Yesterday I heard two words that hadn't graced my ears for quite some time; "Your hired!" I can't say I landed the job of a lifetime, nothing even close to resembling anything of that nature....that's right, it's back to the restaurant business for me! But don't worry I'm not giving up on my goals. I just realized that while freelance and internships are awesome and definitely my top priority, I need to be able to rely on a steady paycheck in order to survive up here.

Serving is a great way to make the most amount of money in the least amount of hours. So time to dig out my all black ensemble and get ready to plaster on that smile and bouncy energetic persona that all good servers must possess (if they want to make the money that is). I happen to really enjoy working in a restaurant and will absolutely embrace the opportunity to make some new friends and of course, not have to worry about paying rent.

So how did I get the job? In the last couple weeks I have been rather unlucky: from getting my car towed, to little things like leaving 24 rolls of toilet paper in the Target parking lot, accidentally driving over the Bay Bridge during rush hour traffic on a friday and having to pay the toll with my quarters for laundry, and other odd things here and there causing me to utter aloud "how unlucky..." The more I hear myself saying these words, the more I realize I've been a bit down on my luck. Well yesterday luck was finally on my side!

The restaurant I  wanted to apply to was having open interviews for three days this week. So I showed up only for them to meet me briefly and tell me to fill out an application, but they weren't holding any more interviews because they were a bit behind. I looked around and realized that I was one of many hopefuls, which of course was discouraging. I brought back the application an hour later and the hostess said, "Oh, you're from Ventura? I'm from Ventura!" A few seconds later the General Manager came up to us and snatched my application from her hands, then asked if I had time to chat. 20 minutes later and I had the job! They weren't even going to begin considering candidates until a couple days later! I was astonished to say the least.

So now I have a job, and the best part is that I was honest - I'm not going to sacrifice my career aspirations for a server position (not that there's anything wrong with that AT ALL, I have so much respect for servers, but I have other dreams). I made it clear that I was looking to work 3-4 days and wanted this job to supplement my income. So yeayahh!! Show me the tips! Now I'll be able to afford to start dancing again and doing fun things in the city, yay : ) Luck has a funny way of showing itself when you least expect it....

May 6, 2011

The "Waiting" Game

This is an old picture of me "waiting"....that's all....yeah.
Recently I realized that I really hate to wait. Sound like the intro to an extremely boring post? Possibly, yes; but hopefully not - I do have a point.

I've been in SF now for just under 3 months. In this time I've gone to Bartending school, started freelancing at an awesome creative marketing firm, moved into an apartment, stepped up my exercise regime with Bikram Yoga and running, interviewed for and turned down a job, allowed my blog to take shape and become something I am proud of, and now possibly landed an internship!
Not too bad for three months time, hey??? hey????

When I step back and admire some of the strides I've made, I feel pretty good about where my ambition has lead me. But if I look back on the last three months and think about how I felt each day in terms of my success and how much my efforts were paying off, I would say, "ughhhhhhhhh, I feel like I've accomplished nothing!" Which so isn't true, but sometimes can feel this way. Why? Because there is so much waiting involved. Even if it's only for a day - that day can often feel like an eternity. What I've learned about myself is that I really hate to wait, and I think that's because I have ambition and WANT to be doing something that is pushing me forward in life. If opportunities are not immediately knocking, I feel anxious.

When I got rejected from grad school I felt extremely depressed not necessarily because I didn't get in, but because the thought of putting my mind towards another goal, in a totally different direction filled me with anguish and fear of failure. I thought about how long and difficult it was for me to come to the decision to go back to school, and now I had to find a new path. Why not just get any old job and do whatever gets me by? Well, my life is important, it is my mission to be both challenged and "in love" with whatever I do.

I dwelled on this for a while, but luckily I began freelancing quite often, and loved the industry I was becoming more familiar with. So I almost immediately had something to fill my time instead of worrying about 'where I'm going and what I want to do with my life.' But then again, it's freelance so obviously not working on a permanent basis means time to dwell.....eventually.

Earlier this week I did what I normally do, try to fill the void with something immediate, anything. So I looked up babysitting because I have tons of experience, but for many reasons have long wanted to move away from that niche and pursue my passions and career. But out of slight desperation to earn money, and mostly the need to DO SOMETHING NOW, I lined up a job.

Then I had a realization. I didn't come to SF to simply "get by" and I certainly didn't come here to babysit. So I canceled the job because I believe in myself and I have hope that if I keep trying, keep following my heart and pursuing my goals, I will be successful, AND happy.

So that being done, I put a ton of effort into working on applications for internships and am super excited because I actually got an interview! I'm thrilled with the company, and hopeful for the opportunity to immerse myself in the industry. Oh by the way, I would be a Marketing Intern. Yay!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that, things don't always happen right away, in fact they almost NEVER do, but give yourself the allowance to wait, and never stop trying. Don't give up on your goals. If for some reason your goals change along the way, which can be very hard and difficult to deal with emotionally and mentally, you just have to roll with it. It will be okay as long as you believe in yourself and continue to find ways to improve your capabilities. If you want something, no one is going to hand it to you. You have to go and get it, and in this pursuit, be someone or strive to be someone that you can be proud of. It comes from within.

This may sound contradicting, but I believe you should pursue your goals and never give up on finding success and happiness, however allow yourself time to wait and have patience because if you try your very best things have a way of coming full circle and working out eventually. Sometimes things, ideas, goals, dreams, ambitions, whatever, just need to sit for a while and brew. Try not to get desperate and give up just because it's "easier" in the moment.

May 3, 2011

FUNNY YouTube!!

I know this is a lazy thing for a blogger to do, but truth be told, I just don't really feel like blogging today, yesterday, and possibly tomorrow. There is much to write about, but unfortunately I feel like I've exuded too much mental energy the last few days and I just don't want to force it.

So this is a bit of fluff, but it is FUNNY and relevant to my recent traffic citation. This YouTube star Natalie Duran, i.e. "Ndtitanlady" shows us the humor in unfortunate circumstances such as a bloody ticket. Unfortunately I'm not talented enough to make a video, which is undoubtedly better than my rant, but hey, whatever works!

Please watch, I promise it will make you Laugh Out Loud! And I know some of you, myself included, could definitely use a good laugh....

I Got A Traffic Ticket